Always Better Than Yesterday

Ten years ago...

Becoming a Dad

On 22nd October 2012, I became a Dad for the first time. I was 25. My wife Liza and I had been together ten years at this point and we were so incredibly happy to become parents for the first time.

I had a good childhood from what I can remember, but the one thing that comes back to me time and time again is the absence of a male role model in my life. Whether it be my own Dad, step-Dad or Grandad, no one seemed to stick around for me.

I always wanted to be a Dad and I think this pain has always fuelled my desire to be the best Dad I could be, leaving my kids in no doubt they are loved.

I underestimated how hard it would be and how little men talk about these topics and challenges.

After having our daughter in 2015, things really started to get worse for me personally and in our marriage.

This all came to a head in 2019 when we had a breakdown of our family unit. Fortunately, we built back stronger.

Here is what I learned about being a Father, Husband and leader in the home that I wasn't prepared for and wish I'd had known sooner...

What I wasn't prepared for...

Tiredness

The sleep disruption and busy home and work lifestyle can take its toll. When we are tired, it often brings out the worst in us.

Health Impact

By the time we have met our parenting and work responsibilities we often forget to prioritise our own health and wellbeing. The amount we exercise we do reduces, our diet starts to slip and we begin to socialise and see our friends less. This leaves us feeling more lethargic, like we are always putting others first and being rewarded with a DadBod.

Frustration

Things don't always go as we hope they would. Kids and wives have a great way of being able to push our buttons (there's a reason for that). Over time these little frustrations can build up and lead us to uncharacteristic outbursts or even worse, resenting your own family.

Culture

Today's society and culture can be overwhelming for new parents. There's conflicting 'expert' advice which can leave us confused and lacking confidence in what the right thing to do is for your own child. Everyone has an opinion and social media is full of parenting comparison and competition.

Lack of Men's Groups

There just doesn't seem to be that many groups out there for Dads to talk to other Dads about their experiences, let alone learn a thing or two that might help them be a happier and healthier Dad for their child.

Feeling Lost & Lonely

There's an unexpected feeling of loneliness that's felt as a Father that comes from being away from the home for so long, working hard to provide and not let anyone down, yet still having unmet needs and an ever diminishing social circle.

Relationship Conflict (values / needs)

We don't clash with people, we clash with values. In relationships we clash all the time. By identifying and understanding your values and needs, you will be better equipped to resolve any conflict in your relationship and have your needs met.

Pain of our Past

We all have thorns in our flesh. Sometimes they are physical and other times they can be mental, emotional or spiritual. This pain can manifest itself in our relationships and our parenting without us even realising. The solution isn't to remove the pain or wish it didn't exist. It is to learn how to take our pain and turn into purpose.

Unqualified yet Undeniably Responsible

There is no denying the responsibility we have for our child, yet they do not come equipped with a manual to help us be the parent they need. That is an incredibly vulnerable position to be in. Supremely responsible yet feeling unequipped and unqualified. If only we knew how to trust our innate capability to be the parent our child needs.

Making Mistakes and Grace

Perhaps the greatest mistake we make is thinking we shouldn't make mistakes. Of course we would rather not make mistakes. Parenting is messy and making mistakes is inevitable. Once we accept that there is grace for that, we can return to the joy of being a parent and loving them the best way we can.

Work-life Balance

For generations, men have sacrificed their presence in the home to be able to provide for their family. So often the working day can take so much out of us that our family get whatever is left and rarely experience the best of us. It doesn't have to be that way. Sometimes it just requires a little reprioritisation of what matters most to us.

Hardest Thing I'll Ever Do

Parenting is hands down the hardest thing I've ever done. Not necessarily the hardest thing in the moment but the fact that it is a responsibility we carry 24/7 with no days off. It can be as relentless and tiring as much as it is awesome and incredible. Realising this truth, we have to give ourselves credit for doing the best we can with what we have and what we know!

introducing Good Fathers by ABTY

All you need to know

Good Fathers is for Dads who:

Want to be better for those who need them
Want to learn and grow as a Father
Maybe haven't had a role model to learn from
Want to be the best Dad possible
Want a supportive and safe environment to learn
Aren't sure where to start
Don't realise their own true leadership potential yet
Feel like they are winging being a Dad
Want to be a happier, less stressed Dad
Want to be more present and purposeful
Want to be more loving and better to be around
Want to be a confident leader in the home
Want to learn how to look after himself
Want to learn how prioritise his health and wellbeing without sacrificing time with the kids

Format

First and foremost, this is a safe space for men to explore their purpose as a Father. It contains a combination of coaching, learning, conversation and reflection.

Each week we follow a semi-structured topic of conversation , supported by resources and prompts designed to facilitate a powerful transformative experience.

The men will not only learn from the facilitator, but also from each other, their shared experiences, their own reflections and the experiences they have in between sessions.

The legacy of this experiential learning will enable men to gain clarity, confidence and take purposeful action in their journey of becoming the best Dad they can be.

Delivery

Weekly sessions will be held on Zoom each Monday for six weeks. They will start at 20:00 (UK time) and conclude at 21:30. Membership is welcomed from men all around the world.

Investment

You can secure your place on the next Good Fathers group for the investment of £250.

This equates to less than £42 per session.

To secure your place, you can pay a £50 deposit with the remaining £200 payable before we commence or in two payments, no later than the third week of the programme.

In exchange, you will receive:

Inspiration
Connection
Brotherhood
Confidence
Clarity
Purpose
Presence
Perspective
Patience
Possibility
Love
Intention
Leadership
Family transformation
Legacy

You can see the weekly schedule below.

the schedule

Week One | Welcome & Fatherhood Motivation

An opportunity to connect with other great men who want to be great Dads and also explore what it means to you to be a Good Father.

Week Two | Purpose, Values & Identity

We will explore your fatherhood Heartset and help you gain clarity on who you are, what you stand for and what is important to you about being a father, so that you may be that person purposefully and intentionally.

Week Three | Balancing Provision & Presence

This week we will help you find the balance between providing for your family and being present in the home. We will help you explore and set boundaries as well as identify opportunities for you to be more present for those who call you Dad, not just physically but also mentally and emotionally.

Week Four | Stress Management & Self-Care

We know life and parenting can be stressful. This session will help you identify ways of leading yourself back to a spirit of love, patience and kindness. We will also create awareness of your needs and encourage you to make commitments to start giving yourself what you need so that you may be better for those who need you.

Week Five | Teamwork

If teamwork makes the dreamwork then not being on the same team can be the stuff of nightmares. During this session we will help you create alignment with your teammate, help you understand each other and communicate better and also help you meet each others needs by exploring your Love Languages.

Week Six | Rituals, Reflection & Commitments

We start week six by inspiring you to create rituals and traditions for your tribe. We end the six weeks with a period of reflection and the setting of a series of commitments as you continue to journey in Fatherhood and being the best Dad possible for those you love.

Meet your Facilitator

Ryan Hartley, Founder & Chief Heart Officer of ABTY

Ryan is a husband to childhood sweetheart Liza and proud Dad to Corey (10) and Brooke (7). It was back in 2012 while going through a leadership development programme in the Police that he realised parenting and leadership not only had a lot in common, but that parenting was quite possibly the greatest form of leadership, full of unconditional love, service and sacrifice.

Good Fathers provides Ryan the perfect opportunity to combine his heart for parenting, coaching and legacy and looks forward to welcoming 12 Good Men and promises to devote himself to leaving them a Better Dad for those who need them.

Ryan tries to be the best father and leader of Team Hartley as possible. You will regularly see how sharing aspect of the things Team Hartley get up to including our family rituals and traditions.

The Team Hartley family mantra is that "we are Hartley's, we are kind, we have fun, we do our best, we help people and we share our gift with the world".

Ryan would love nothing more than to help you lead your team and create a richness of identity and family tradition.